Confusion..

Krishna, I am completely in darkness. I don’t see a way out of here. I am confused regarding the various conflicting theories. Krishna if everything happens according to your will and everything is already pre meditated then what is the need for us to take decisions in life? But that too am always confused regarding what is right and what is wrong. And I am a person who easily gets influenced by others. Now I really don’t know why things happen in a certain way. I don’t know if it is my fault that I just give up. I just don’t know anything. 

Okay and you say if we are confused with the various conflicting theories we must just surrender to you. What exactly is surrender? I have mentioned this before also that I don’t even know what exactly is surrender. Is it thinking about you always? Is it being devoted to you? Praising you? Chanting your names? What exactly is this process called surrender. You say you guide us from within and how exactly do you do that? How can be completely sure that I am doing the right thing? I don’t even understand any of your words Krishna. I just know that here I am completely uninterested in this world and waiting to get back to you. Nothing seems to be making me happy. 

In the material world, I tried telling my problems to the concerned people but they don’t even understand. They just saw things from their own perception.  They in turn termed me to be incapable and cribbing. All this makes me doubt myself if it was my fault. I am just surviving here because of a few kind devotees who always manage to put some hope into me that you are here. But repeatedly my mind just goes back to the material world. I am left wondering if I made a right decision even when it is all over. I am tormented of the fact of what happens next. I am not even able to get it into my mind that you are in control of everything. I just want to cry out in your arms. I wish you would just hold me and comfort me.

 You are the center of everything and I know if I make you the center even in material life everything will fall in its place but how exactly do I do that Krishna?? I am not able to control this insane mind of mine. Krishna I beg you to guide me. I am desperate need of help right now and I don’t know what to do with my life. Please help me out Krishna. I need your assistance and I can’t do this alone. Also I beg you to have mercy on all other devotees and non devotees too. This material world is just going from bad to worse day by day. People are losing their humanity, and are behaving as if they don’t even have feelings or a heart. People who are good at heart are being used by inhuman people. And it’s a wonder how all the inhuman people seem to just shine out everywhere and the people who are humble are being trampled by the proud egoistic people. Krishna you need to help everyone out. You are the refuge of everyone. You have to help everyone Krishna, Please please lead us and guide us. I really don’t know how you guide but hopefully by your grace I will get to know soon. 

I love you my LordJ 

Jai Shri Krishna!!